Friday, March 30, 2007

God's promises...

This is what I was blessed to see this week on my drive home from work...

a double rainbow. See it? The second one is kind of faint, to the left of the brighter one. I didn't even realize it was there until I looked at the photo.

I usually commute on the back roads instead of the interstate, for many reasons, one of which is the beautiful scenery. But it's VERY rare to see something this beautiful...

Something very weird happened yesterday while I was delivering papers. The electric window on my driver's side is broken, so I have to open the door each time I deliver to a tube. I got to about the fifth house, opened the door and something flew in the window, hitting me in the head and scaring me to death. I screamed and acted like a fool for a few seconds, then looked in the floorboard to see what I believe was a sparrow, sitting there calmly, watching the idiot in the driver's seat. So I pulled onto the road, rolled down the passenger window, got out and opened the back window and then the passenger door, and tried to talk the little bird out of the blazer. It didn't want to leave, and all I could think was how I was going to have to clean bird poop off my seats and dash...I mean, I almost wet my pants, how is a bird supposed to hold it in?

But it did, and it took the grand tour, hopping from the dash to the driver's seat, then to the back seat and the back floorboard, and then back to the front again. This went on for about five minutes. Meanwhile I'm talking to it, waving my hand in and out of the blazer to show it that there's no obstruction to the outside world, it only needs to hop to the side instead of front to back. At one point I just went to the back of the blazer and watched silently, as it hopped from one side of the dash to the other. Finally it hopped onto the passenger side door and then flew thru its open window, then to a tree nearby.

Now I've had birds in the fireplace that have gotten lost down our chimney, we've had a couple hummingbirds and other birds that have mistaken our back windows for open skies, but I've never had a bird fly into my car before. At the time it happened, I was thinking about my current work situation and how to resolve it...and about another deeper issue I'll tell you more about now.

This display, God's reminder to me of His promises, has been especially significant this week because DH is struggling yet again in his job situation. For the past four years, maybe a little longer, he has bounced from job to job, never finding one that he both enjoyed and that had the benefits and salary that we need as a family. He has built custom cabinets, worked in a door shop, helped a home remodeler, and now installs glass in office buildings, both finished and those under construction. This week he found that while he's being given more responsibility and is currently in charge of the job he's working on, his boss is hiring helpers at a much higher salary than DH currently makes. A pretty bitter pill to swallow, especially when DH really likes the people he works with and the company has the best benefits of any place he's ever worked.

So after much prayer and consideration, he sat down with his boss yesterday and asked for a raise, basing it on his new responsibilities, and not mentioning what he knows of the others' salaries. His boss doesn't want to lose him, but said he'd think about it and let DH know on Monday.

As a woman and a wife, I need to feel safe and secure in DH's ability to provide for us. I've struggled with this the past four years quite a bit. I know he is capable of anything he sets his mind to do, but we've had discussions about his lack of satisfaction with any seems that no matter how good the pay or the benefits, there is always something about whatever job he has that makes him miserable. I personally feel its because God has something planned for him to do, and DH hasn't sought that out yet. Time will tell. But I always feel like the other shoe could drop at any moment and DH will come home to tell me he's going to look for a new job...or worse (and this has happened), that he's already quit the one he's not a real safe feeling for a wife. And I have a hard time respecting him when it comes to this issue...every time he vents about work, I can feel myself tense up and start wondering when it will happen...I have been praying that God would change my attitude and help me put myself in DH's shoes. How would I feel if this happened to me? What would I do? How would I handle it, with the added burden of knowing my job as provider of this family? God has a lot of work to do on me, but I hope I can say I have gotten better about how I handle the inevitable moment with DH says he's no longer happy where he is, and he thinks he's going to start looking...

But in the meantime, I have these beautiful rainbows and that wonderful little bird to remind me that God is my ultimate Provider and I need not fear the future. Isn't God good?


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