I'm still adjusting to not having to get up at 4:30 AM every day. Wednesday night, I stayed up until midnight. Completely unheard of for the past 4 years. It was wonderful! And I got to sleep in until 7 AM the next day. Bliss! I did wake up at 4 AM and realized I didn't have to get up, so just went right on back to sleep. I do feel more rested than I have felt in a long while, but I'm not back to normal yet. I figure it will take a week or so to feel like myself again. And I'm wondering how long until the dark circles and bags under my eyes disappear for good...
Good thing I haven't been figuring DH's bonus next month into our finances...he found out yesterday that it won't be as big as last year's (which wasn't much) and he's NOT happy about it. Can't say that I blame him. But on the other hand, it's a bonus, and it's not guaranteed, and something is better than nothing. I'm trying to be optimistic about it, but I hate it for him. He works so hard, and he and his coworkers count on this - every time they have to work 60 hour weeks, they tell themselves, hey, the bonus will be worth it. And now it won't be...
I found out yesterday that our health insurance plan at work is not what it used to be. When I started four years ago, I knew exactly how much I'd have to pay out of pocket should I have surgery, and it was a very reasonable $1300, including my deductible. Yesterday I emailed someone in HR to confirm that, since surgery is 3 weeks from today, and found out that heck no, it's not anymore. Try $7000. Yep, $7000. HOW does an insurance plan change that much over four years, and no one bothers to tell us?? Granted, I could look it up on our ministry website, but who sits around looking up this information every year?
So now I'm back to crunching numbers again, trying to figure out how much I'm going to pay for this surgery. Generally, it will be 10% of the total cost, but I have no idea what that total cost is going to be. I have an HR person looking into it. The catch is that we are changing insurance plans in January, and I've been asking for a couple of months about what the specifics are on the new plan, so I can make an informed decision as to wait, or go ahead with surgery (which physically needs to be done yesterday). No one would tell me anything. So I did what I try not to do - I went over everyone's head and went to a guy in our president's office (where I work). He has connections and gets where I'm coming from, so he put me in touch with the right people and I've got some answers.
Our deductible will go up, and our out of pocket maximums will go down, and the percentage cost wise that the new health plan will cover will be better. But I've already met my deductible this year, so that has to be taken into account. Plus I don't want to wait! I already know that the cost of the surgery is just going to have to be paid out over time 'cause we don't have the cash to just pay for it, so I'll probably wind up going ahead with it. But all of this secrecy and confusion, combined with a pretty pitiful health plan, and the fact that I asked six months ago for a title change since I'm working two jobs and still nothing has been done about it...not to mention the gas prices I pay to drive to work here....are all making me wonder if its worth it to stay. And I hate that. I really love my job, like most of the people I work with. But I have to do what's best for me, and I'm not seeing much benefit to staying here right now.
Something else to pray about...
Knitting has been going on as much as possible - and lots more knitting time is had with no route! My Imogen pattern arrived Wednesday, so I've already cast on for that. I'm being pretty consistent with just Imogen and the Dolman pullover right now and letting everything else wait - I'd like to have the Dolman finished before surgery if possible so I have something to just hang around the house in. I'm using Araucania Nature Wool for Imogen and Cotton Ease for the Dolman. LOVE that I'll be able to just toss it in the washer when needed. I'm envisioning a nice sweatshirt type sweater...I hope I'm right.
The best knitting news I have really is that I'm now knitting continental for both of these projects. It's finally starting to click and I'm feeling more comfortable with it. I have to say it is much faster than English, at least for me, and I think I was a pretty fast knitter the other way. If I'd just finish more projects, I'd have something to prove my knitting speed. :-)
Friday, August 24, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Life is about to begin again...
Today was the last day of the route! F.O.R.E.V.E.R. I know I said I'd planned to do it thru the end of the month, but I crunched numbers last night and doing it thru the 31st was going to clear me...
...wait for it...
$40.
So obviously, what's the point? I called my district manager this morning and told him today was it, and he was not happy. Which I DO get, but at the same time, this is the same guy who has always been "let me know if there's ANYTHING you need, ANYTHING I can do for you..." and now that he's going to have to do it himself or find someone to do it, he's all about what's best for him. You know, he makes more than I do, with both my full time job and the route combined, so I'd say he can just stuff it and deal with it - he's just earning his pay, in my opinion. God knows I've paid my dues.
So tonight is party time! Well, as much of a party as getting to stay up past 10 PM is going to be. I'm too excited about Friday night though - I can stay up all night if I want! Wa hoo!
In knitting news, I received my Webs order yesterday and I'm a little disappointed. The Araucania wool that I thought was a solid chocolate color is actually a variegated brown, taupe, and black. Not sure that's going to work for what I'd planned to use it for - the Dickinson pullover in the Fall IK. I'm swatching this week to see what it actually looks like. But the 2nd part of my order, Araucania wool chunky, was perfect - it's going to become Imogen.
Between these two projects, the one I started this weekend (Dolman pullover) and the other 20 or so projects on various needles throughout the house and in my knitting bag(s), I think I've got plenty to do while I'm off for surgery.
Life is good.
...wait for it...
$40.
So obviously, what's the point? I called my district manager this morning and told him today was it, and he was not happy. Which I DO get, but at the same time, this is the same guy who has always been "let me know if there's ANYTHING you need, ANYTHING I can do for you..." and now that he's going to have to do it himself or find someone to do it, he's all about what's best for him. You know, he makes more than I do, with both my full time job and the route combined, so I'd say he can just stuff it and deal with it - he's just earning his pay, in my opinion. God knows I've paid my dues.
So tonight is party time! Well, as much of a party as getting to stay up past 10 PM is going to be. I'm too excited about Friday night though - I can stay up all night if I want! Wa hoo!
In knitting news, I received my Webs order yesterday and I'm a little disappointed. The Araucania wool that I thought was a solid chocolate color is actually a variegated brown, taupe, and black. Not sure that's going to work for what I'd planned to use it for - the Dickinson pullover in the Fall IK. I'm swatching this week to see what it actually looks like. But the 2nd part of my order, Araucania wool chunky, was perfect - it's going to become Imogen.
Between these two projects, the one I started this weekend (Dolman pullover) and the other 20 or so projects on various needles throughout the house and in my knitting bag(s), I think I've got plenty to do while I'm off for surgery.
Life is good.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Happy, happy day
Today was the day - I gave notice on the route this morning!
(Happy dance, happy dance, jumping around and general hysterical happiness abounds)
My new district manager thanked me for giving him notice, and said that a guy was asking about a route yesterday, so he's probably going to be telling me next week not to come back. I won't be heartbroken, that's for sure.
Happy, happy day!
I'm committing to learning how to knit continental while I'm out for surgery next month. I've bought the yarn and have picked out the pattern - the Dolman Updated pattern from Interweave, in Cotton Ease, the charcoal colorway. I am too excited. I really want a sweatshirt type sweater that's as comfortable as a worn-in pair of jeans, and I think this is going to be just perfect. I'm swatching now, in continental style, and it's been.....interesting....I can't get the tension quite right and it sure isn't any faster than English knitting yet, that's for sure. I posted on Ravelry about learning to knit in the continental style, and so many knitters were kind enough to post - how they learned, what vidoes helped them, tips to start, how they hold their yarn, and just encouragement to hang in there until it "clicks."
Have I said how much I love Ravelry? Best knitting site ever, hands down. So very worth the wait if you're still on the waiting list. I can't go a day without visiting...it should be my home page at this point!
(Happy dance, happy dance, jumping around and general hysterical happiness abounds)
My new district manager thanked me for giving him notice, and said that a guy was asking about a route yesterday, so he's probably going to be telling me next week not to come back. I won't be heartbroken, that's for sure.
Happy, happy day!
I'm committing to learning how to knit continental while I'm out for surgery next month. I've bought the yarn and have picked out the pattern - the Dolman Updated pattern from Interweave, in Cotton Ease, the charcoal colorway. I am too excited. I really want a sweatshirt type sweater that's as comfortable as a worn-in pair of jeans, and I think this is going to be just perfect. I'm swatching now, in continental style, and it's been.....interesting....I can't get the tension quite right and it sure isn't any faster than English knitting yet, that's for sure. I posted on Ravelry about learning to knit in the continental style, and so many knitters were kind enough to post - how they learned, what vidoes helped them, tips to start, how they hold their yarn, and just encouragement to hang in there until it "clicks."
Have I said how much I love Ravelry? Best knitting site ever, hands down. So very worth the wait if you're still on the waiting list. I can't go a day without visiting...it should be my home page at this point!
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
God showed up!
I have to tell you how God showed up in my life Tuesday...
For the past four years, I've had to do a paper route. Actually it's been more on and off for five years - I had a porch route for about 13 months when I first started (and porch routes are the WORST! Having to make sure the paper gets on the porch, having to get out of your car, trying to keep from hitting people's junk on their porches - ugh!), then I took almost a year off before going back again. This time I got another porch route in a rapidly growing subdivision that was very close to my house, so it was honestly pretty great (except for the above reference porch route problems) - I picked up my papers 3 minutes from my house, threw the route and was back home in 90 minutes. Did that one for a year and a half, then moved to a motor route. This was great, in that I didn't have to get out of the car, but it used a lot of gas and took almost two hours, start to finish. I've been doing this route since Dec. 05, with the idea that I'd keep doing it until we were debt free, which will be sometime next spring.
Now this route brings in money that we desperately needed, and couldn't make it without, but there are some very serious consequences with it. I'm exhausted all the time (have to pick up papers at 4:30 AM and be at work at 8 AM, with a 45 minute commute to work), the housework is so far behind it will take months of daily work to catch up, our marriage has suffered, church attendance has been almost nonexistent, and I rarely cook, which is one of my loves (and something DH surely appreciates!). I have been praying for a way to get rid of the route, whether it be extra income in another format, or less bills, or a raise, or what have you, and I have to honestly say I haven't prayed for it quite as often as I should. But God knows my heart, and knows how much I desire to be a good wife and homekeeper and He is honoring that desire.
This month will be the first month we do not absolutely have to have the route. One of our regular bills has decreased just enough for us to be able to get by each month. This month we each receive an extra check, also, as DH gets paid each week, and I get paid every other Friday. This is extremely beneficial because I'm having surgery next month, and will be off work for at least four weeks, most likely. Without.pay. Can you say terrified? I just knew I would have to keep doing the route until surgery, then go back to it as soon as I could drive, two weeks later. Plus DH has duck season this fall, starting in November and going thru January.
So DH and I discussed it, and we'd decided that I was going to do the route thru the end of the month, and that would be it. He's supposed to get a bonus the middle of September, and we'd just have to make do without the route. I have been very scared to just let go of it, and I'm the one who does it seven days a week - he only helps on Sunday mornings. In the last three years, I've had exactly five days off from the route, and three of them were because I had a kidney stone! So for me to be a little wary of letting this thing go, tells you I had some serious reservations about it. My fear (and let's call it what it is - FEAR) is that something will come up and we'll get behind somehow, and I'll have to either start doing it again, or borrow money from my dad, or something along those lines. And the problems my blazer is having with shifting every morning on the route aren't helping my confidence, either.
So yesterday on my way home from work, I had a heart to heart with God. I spilled my guts about how I wanted to stop the route, but that He knew what was ahead of us and I wanted to know what to do, once and for all. So I did what I've done in the past, but have never gotten a real response - I put out a fleece for God. I don't take doing that lightly, and I'm not saying that's an option in every situation, but I felt led to do it. And as stupid as it may sound to you, this was the fleece - I asked God to play a specific song on my MP3 player before I got home. Not sure why I chose this song, it just came to me, and keep in mind that my player is on a random playlist - there are hundreds of songs on it and any one of them could play at any time. My fleece was that if the song played, then I would stop the route at the end of the month, and trust God with the rest.
So I make this request about 20 minutes from home and as I'm driving, I'm expecting God to do something, but making plans in the back of my mind as to how I'm going to conjure up the energy to keep doing the route - you know how you want to believe and you try to believe, but you still make contingency plans. Or maybe I'm the only one who does that.
And two minutes away from my house, praise God, that song came on! I had to look down at the player and make sure it was really true, and there it was in black and white. God had answered my prayer! My silly little "please God play this song if we should quit the route" prayer! I can count on one hand the number of times in my life that I have literally felt His presence, when I have made requests and He's literally answered them in just minutes, and yesterday was one of those times!
I laughed and giggled and smiled all the way home, knowing God had shown up and shown off! Today I sat down and figured our bills and sure enough, there's enough to make it, barring any emergencies. And even if there is one, I want to trust God with the outcome this time. I want to go back to church, I want to be able to clean my house, cook dinner, and have energy for my husband. I want to get up early and spend time with God and not drag around every day, needing energy I can't get. And in 15 days, I can!
Praise God!
For the past four years, I've had to do a paper route. Actually it's been more on and off for five years - I had a porch route for about 13 months when I first started (and porch routes are the WORST! Having to make sure the paper gets on the porch, having to get out of your car, trying to keep from hitting people's junk on their porches - ugh!), then I took almost a year off before going back again. This time I got another porch route in a rapidly growing subdivision that was very close to my house, so it was honestly pretty great (except for the above reference porch route problems) - I picked up my papers 3 minutes from my house, threw the route and was back home in 90 minutes. Did that one for a year and a half, then moved to a motor route. This was great, in that I didn't have to get out of the car, but it used a lot of gas and took almost two hours, start to finish. I've been doing this route since Dec. 05, with the idea that I'd keep doing it until we were debt free, which will be sometime next spring.
Now this route brings in money that we desperately needed, and couldn't make it without, but there are some very serious consequences with it. I'm exhausted all the time (have to pick up papers at 4:30 AM and be at work at 8 AM, with a 45 minute commute to work), the housework is so far behind it will take months of daily work to catch up, our marriage has suffered, church attendance has been almost nonexistent, and I rarely cook, which is one of my loves (and something DH surely appreciates!). I have been praying for a way to get rid of the route, whether it be extra income in another format, or less bills, or a raise, or what have you, and I have to honestly say I haven't prayed for it quite as often as I should. But God knows my heart, and knows how much I desire to be a good wife and homekeeper and He is honoring that desire.
This month will be the first month we do not absolutely have to have the route. One of our regular bills has decreased just enough for us to be able to get by each month. This month we each receive an extra check, also, as DH gets paid each week, and I get paid every other Friday. This is extremely beneficial because I'm having surgery next month, and will be off work for at least four weeks, most likely. Without.pay. Can you say terrified? I just knew I would have to keep doing the route until surgery, then go back to it as soon as I could drive, two weeks later. Plus DH has duck season this fall, starting in November and going thru January.
So DH and I discussed it, and we'd decided that I was going to do the route thru the end of the month, and that would be it. He's supposed to get a bonus the middle of September, and we'd just have to make do without the route. I have been very scared to just let go of it, and I'm the one who does it seven days a week - he only helps on Sunday mornings. In the last three years, I've had exactly five days off from the route, and three of them were because I had a kidney stone! So for me to be a little wary of letting this thing go, tells you I had some serious reservations about it. My fear (and let's call it what it is - FEAR) is that something will come up and we'll get behind somehow, and I'll have to either start doing it again, or borrow money from my dad, or something along those lines. And the problems my blazer is having with shifting every morning on the route aren't helping my confidence, either.
So yesterday on my way home from work, I had a heart to heart with God. I spilled my guts about how I wanted to stop the route, but that He knew what was ahead of us and I wanted to know what to do, once and for all. So I did what I've done in the past, but have never gotten a real response - I put out a fleece for God. I don't take doing that lightly, and I'm not saying that's an option in every situation, but I felt led to do it. And as stupid as it may sound to you, this was the fleece - I asked God to play a specific song on my MP3 player before I got home. Not sure why I chose this song, it just came to me, and keep in mind that my player is on a random playlist - there are hundreds of songs on it and any one of them could play at any time. My fleece was that if the song played, then I would stop the route at the end of the month, and trust God with the rest.
So I make this request about 20 minutes from home and as I'm driving, I'm expecting God to do something, but making plans in the back of my mind as to how I'm going to conjure up the energy to keep doing the route - you know how you want to believe and you try to believe, but you still make contingency plans. Or maybe I'm the only one who does that.
And two minutes away from my house, praise God, that song came on! I had to look down at the player and make sure it was really true, and there it was in black and white. God had answered my prayer! My silly little "please God play this song if we should quit the route" prayer! I can count on one hand the number of times in my life that I have literally felt His presence, when I have made requests and He's literally answered them in just minutes, and yesterday was one of those times!
I laughed and giggled and smiled all the way home, knowing God had shown up and shown off! Today I sat down and figured our bills and sure enough, there's enough to make it, barring any emergencies. And even if there is one, I want to trust God with the outcome this time. I want to go back to church, I want to be able to clean my house, cook dinner, and have energy for my husband. I want to get up early and spend time with God and not drag around every day, needing energy I can't get. And in 15 days, I can!
Praise God!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Back to blogging..
I hope to actually start blogging on a regular basis...but I'm not sure I'm going to do it here. I keep seeing all these great blogs designed by Swank Design, so I'm thinking about possibly having them design a blog for me. Of course, I have no readers, but I would like a pretty blog!
Most of the blogs they design use WordPress, so now i"m trying to figure out exactly what I want my blog to be called and an alternate email address, so I can figure out if a Wordpress addy is already taken. And of course a domain with the same name too. And this is HARD, especially for someone with absolutely no creative genes whatsoever!
On the knitting front, I'm in Ravelry, and my name there is knitobsssed. I so love that site, and especially the groups. I could stay there for hours...and sometimes do!
Due to Ravelry, I've been forced to stop casting on for new projects and to finish those I've started. I'm finished with the knitting for DH's Kangaroo Duo sweatshirt, so this weekend I'm planning to wash and block it, then start the seaming process. I've got a nice list going of projects on the needles and in what order I want to finish them, along with another list of what I want to start and in what order.
All this may be thrown by the wayside when my order from Knit2Purl2 arrives. She's going out of business, and I was able to get the yarn to make the Hedgerow coat from the Fall IK for half price! I also grabbed some Lorna's Laces in Black Purl and Baltic Sea, and some Malabrigo for a My So Called Scarf. Unfortunately, I was too late - all the Black Purl was gone. But Jody was nice enough to check stock for the amount I needed in some colorways I gave her, and I would up with enough to make the FiberTrends Bella shawl in Icehouse! Great customer service - I wish she wasn't going out of business.
Add to this a Webs order for yarn to make an Imogen jacket and the Dickinson pullover from the Fall IK, and I've got enough to last the rest of the winter! But I do have a cart open at Knit Picks and will probably place an order there for yarn to make the Minimalist Cardigan (Fall IK), KP's On Deck Pullover, and Serrano, along with a KP Lace 1-2-3 shawl and scarf.
All this yarn will actually be used, since I'll be having surgery for some ongoing health issues mid-September, and will be off work for four weeks. Definitely the most yarn I've ever purchased at one time and it will be some time next year before I buy more, I'm sure...but you can't pass up a good sale, can ya?
Most of the blogs they design use WordPress, so now i"m trying to figure out exactly what I want my blog to be called and an alternate email address, so I can figure out if a Wordpress addy is already taken. And of course a domain with the same name too. And this is HARD, especially for someone with absolutely no creative genes whatsoever!
On the knitting front, I'm in Ravelry, and my name there is knitobsssed. I so love that site, and especially the groups. I could stay there for hours...and sometimes do!
Due to Ravelry, I've been forced to stop casting on for new projects and to finish those I've started. I'm finished with the knitting for DH's Kangaroo Duo sweatshirt, so this weekend I'm planning to wash and block it, then start the seaming process. I've got a nice list going of projects on the needles and in what order I want to finish them, along with another list of what I want to start and in what order.
All this may be thrown by the wayside when my order from Knit2Purl2 arrives. She's going out of business, and I was able to get the yarn to make the Hedgerow coat from the Fall IK for half price! I also grabbed some Lorna's Laces in Black Purl and Baltic Sea, and some Malabrigo for a My So Called Scarf. Unfortunately, I was too late - all the Black Purl was gone. But Jody was nice enough to check stock for the amount I needed in some colorways I gave her, and I would up with enough to make the FiberTrends Bella shawl in Icehouse! Great customer service - I wish she wasn't going out of business.
Add to this a Webs order for yarn to make an Imogen jacket and the Dickinson pullover from the Fall IK, and I've got enough to last the rest of the winter! But I do have a cart open at Knit Picks and will probably place an order there for yarn to make the Minimalist Cardigan (Fall IK), KP's On Deck Pullover, and Serrano, along with a KP Lace 1-2-3 shawl and scarf.
All this yarn will actually be used, since I'll be having surgery for some ongoing health issues mid-September, and will be off work for four weeks. Definitely the most yarn I've ever purchased at one time and it will be some time next year before I buy more, I'm sure...but you can't pass up a good sale, can ya?
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Stuff I’ve done/am doing
Stuff I’d like to do
Stuff that I’ll probably never do
Afghan- one in progress and several on the to-knit list
I-cord
Garter stitch
Knitting with metal wire
Shawl- Candle Flame shawl on the needles
Stockinette stitch
Socks: top-down - I've got the yarn, needles and pattern - just trying to come up with the guts to try it
Socks: toe-up
Knitting with camel yarn
Mittens: Cuff-up
Mittens: Tip-down
Hat
Knitting with silk
Moebius band knitting
Participating in a KAL
Drop stitch patterns
Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn
Slip stitch patterns
Knitting with banana fiber yarn
Domino knitting
Twisted stitch patterns - Thermal on the needles
Knitting with Bamboo yarn- waiting to be able to afford enough for Interweave patterns
Two end knitting- not sure I know what this is?
Charity knitting- I have several afghan blocks just waiting to be mailed to Warm Up America
Knitting with soy yarn- just waiting till I can afford enough for an Interweave pattern
Cardigan
Toy/Doll clothing
Knitting with circular needles
Baby items
Knitting with your own handspun yarn
Slippers
Graffiti knitting (knitting items on, or to be left on the street)
Continental Knitting
Designing knitted garments
Cable stitch patterns (incl. Aran)
Lace patterns
Publishing a knitting book
Scarf
Teaching a child to knit
American/English knitting (as opposed to continental)
Knitting to make money
Buttonholes
Knitting with Alpaca
Fair Isle Knitting
Norwegian knitting
Dying with plant colors- this appeals to the naturalist in me
Knitting items for a wedding
Household items (dishcloths, washcloths, tea cosies…)
Knitting socks (or other small tubular items)on two circulars
Olympic knitting
Knitting with someone else’s handspun yarn
Knitting with dpns
Holiday related knitting
Teaching a male to knit
Bobbles
Knitting for a living- that would be cool, but will probably never happen
Knitting with cotton
Knitting smocking
Dyeing yarn
Steeks
Knitting art
Knitting two socks (or other small tubular items) on two circulars simultaneously
Fulling/felting
Knitting with wool
Textured Knitting
Kitchener Bind Off
Purses/bags
Knitting with beads
Swatching- something I need to be more consistent about
Long Tail CO
Entrelac- Lady E and Eunny's socks on the to-knit list
Knitting and Purling Backwards - must learn for Lady E
Machine knitting
Knitting with selfpatterning/selfstriping/variegating yarn
Stuffed Toys
Knitting with Cashmere
Darning
Jewelry
Knitting with synthetic yarn
Writing a pattern
Gloves
Intarsia
Knitting with Linen
Knitting for preemies
Tubular CO
Freeform knitting
Short rows
Cuffs/fingerless mitts/armwarmers
Pillows
Knitting a pattern from an online knitting magazine -most of my to knit list is from Knitty
Rug
Knitting on a loom
Knitting a gift
Knitting for pets
Shrug/Bolero/Poncho
Knitting with dog/cat hair
Hair accessories
Knitting in public- as often as possible!
Stuff I’d like to do
Stuff that I’ll probably never do
Afghan- one in progress and several on the to-knit list
I-cord
Garter stitch
Knitting with metal wire
Shawl- Candle Flame shawl on the needles
Stockinette stitch
Socks: top-down - I've got the yarn, needles and pattern - just trying to come up with the guts to try it
Socks: toe-up
Knitting with camel yarn
Mittens: Cuff-up
Mittens: Tip-down
Hat
Knitting with silk
Moebius band knitting
Participating in a KAL
Drop stitch patterns
Knitting with recycled/secondhand yarn
Slip stitch patterns
Knitting with banana fiber yarn
Domino knitting
Twisted stitch patterns - Thermal on the needles
Knitting with Bamboo yarn- waiting to be able to afford enough for Interweave patterns
Two end knitting- not sure I know what this is?
Charity knitting- I have several afghan blocks just waiting to be mailed to Warm Up America
Knitting with soy yarn- just waiting till I can afford enough for an Interweave pattern
Cardigan
Toy/Doll clothing
Knitting with circular needles
Baby items
Knitting with your own handspun yarn
Slippers
Graffiti knitting (knitting items on, or to be left on the street)
Continental Knitting
Designing knitted garments
Cable stitch patterns (incl. Aran)
Lace patterns
Publishing a knitting book
Scarf
Teaching a child to knit
American/English knitting (as opposed to continental)
Knitting to make money
Buttonholes
Knitting with Alpaca
Fair Isle Knitting
Norwegian knitting
Dying with plant colors- this appeals to the naturalist in me
Knitting items for a wedding
Household items (dishcloths, washcloths, tea cosies…)
Knitting socks (or other small tubular items)on two circulars
Olympic knitting
Knitting with someone else’s handspun yarn
Knitting with dpns
Holiday related knitting
Teaching a male to knit
Bobbles
Knitting for a living- that would be cool, but will probably never happen
Knitting with cotton
Knitting smocking
Dyeing yarn
Steeks
Knitting art
Knitting two socks (or other small tubular items) on two circulars simultaneously
Fulling/felting
Knitting with wool
Textured Knitting
Kitchener Bind Off
Purses/bags
Knitting with beads
Swatching- something I need to be more consistent about
Long Tail CO
Entrelac- Lady E and Eunny's socks on the to-knit list
Knitting and Purling Backwards - must learn for Lady E
Machine knitting
Knitting with selfpatterning/selfstriping/variegating yarn
Stuffed Toys
Knitting with Cashmere
Darning
Jewelry
Knitting with synthetic yarn
Writing a pattern
Gloves
Intarsia
Knitting with Linen
Knitting for preemies
Tubular CO
Freeform knitting
Short rows
Cuffs/fingerless mitts/armwarmers
Pillows
Knitting a pattern from an online knitting magazine -most of my to knit list is from Knitty
Rug
Knitting on a loom
Knitting a gift
Knitting for pets
Shrug/Bolero/Poncho
Knitting with dog/cat hair
Hair accessories
Knitting in public- as often as possible!
Friday, March 30, 2007
God's promises...
This is what I was blessed to see this week on my drive home from work...
a double rainbow. See it? The second one is kind of faint, to the left of the brighter one. I didn't even realize it was there until I looked at the photo.
I usually commute on the back roads instead of the interstate, for many reasons, one of which is the beautiful scenery. But it's VERY rare to see something this beautiful...
Something very weird happened yesterday while I was delivering papers. The electric window on my driver's side is broken, so I have to open the door each time I deliver to a tube. I got to about the fifth house, opened the door and something flew in the window, hitting me in the head and scaring me to death. I screamed and acted like a fool for a few seconds, then looked in the floorboard to see what I believe was a sparrow, sitting there calmly, watching the idiot in the driver's seat. So I pulled onto the road, rolled down the passenger window, got out and opened the back window and then the passenger door, and tried to talk the little bird out of the blazer. It didn't want to leave, and all I could think was how I was going to have to clean bird poop off my seats and dash...I mean, I almost wet my pants, how is a bird supposed to hold it in?
But it did, and it took the grand tour, hopping from the dash to the driver's seat, then to the back seat and the back floorboard, and then back to the front again. This went on for about five minutes. Meanwhile I'm talking to it, waving my hand in and out of the blazer to show it that there's no obstruction to the outside world, it only needs to hop to the side instead of front to back. At one point I just went to the back of the blazer and watched silently, as it hopped from one side of the dash to the other. Finally it hopped onto the passenger side door and then flew thru its open window, then to a tree nearby.
Now I've had birds in the fireplace that have gotten lost down our chimney, we've had a couple hummingbirds and other birds that have mistaken our back windows for open skies, but I've never had a bird fly into my car before. At the time it happened, I was thinking about my current work situation and how to resolve it...and about another deeper issue I'll tell you more about now.
This display, God's reminder to me of His promises, has been especially significant this week because DH is struggling yet again in his job situation. For the past four years, maybe a little longer, he has bounced from job to job, never finding one that he both enjoyed and that had the benefits and salary that we need as a family. He has built custom cabinets, worked in a door shop, helped a home remodeler, and now installs glass in office buildings, both finished and those under construction. This week he found that while he's being given more responsibility and is currently in charge of the job he's working on, his boss is hiring helpers at a much higher salary than DH currently makes. A pretty bitter pill to swallow, especially when DH really likes the people he works with and the company has the best benefits of any place he's ever worked.
So after much prayer and consideration, he sat down with his boss yesterday and asked for a raise, basing it on his new responsibilities, and not mentioning what he knows of the others' salaries. His boss doesn't want to lose him, but said he'd think about it and let DH know on Monday.
As a woman and a wife, I need to feel safe and secure in DH's ability to provide for us. I've struggled with this the past four years quite a bit. I know he is capable of anything he sets his mind to do, but we've had discussions about his lack of satisfaction with any job...it seems that no matter how good the pay or the benefits, there is always something about whatever job he has that makes him miserable. I personally feel its because God has something planned for him to do, and DH hasn't sought that out yet. Time will tell. But I always feel like the other shoe could drop at any moment and DH will come home to tell me he's going to look for a new job...or worse (and this has happened), that he's already quit the one he has...it's not a real safe feeling for a wife. And I have a hard time respecting him when it comes to this issue...every time he vents about work, I can feel myself tense up and start wondering when it will happen...I have been praying that God would change my attitude and help me put myself in DH's shoes. How would I feel if this happened to me? What would I do? How would I handle it, with the added burden of knowing my job as provider of this family? God has a lot of work to do on me, but I hope I can say I have gotten better about how I handle the inevitable moment with DH says he's no longer happy where he is, and he thinks he's going to start looking...
But in the meantime, I have these beautiful rainbows and that wonderful little bird to remind me that God is my ultimate Provider and I need not fear the future. Isn't God good?
a double rainbow. See it? The second one is kind of faint, to the left of the brighter one. I didn't even realize it was there until I looked at the photo.
I usually commute on the back roads instead of the interstate, for many reasons, one of which is the beautiful scenery. But it's VERY rare to see something this beautiful...
Something very weird happened yesterday while I was delivering papers. The electric window on my driver's side is broken, so I have to open the door each time I deliver to a tube. I got to about the fifth house, opened the door and something flew in the window, hitting me in the head and scaring me to death. I screamed and acted like a fool for a few seconds, then looked in the floorboard to see what I believe was a sparrow, sitting there calmly, watching the idiot in the driver's seat. So I pulled onto the road, rolled down the passenger window, got out and opened the back window and then the passenger door, and tried to talk the little bird out of the blazer. It didn't want to leave, and all I could think was how I was going to have to clean bird poop off my seats and dash...I mean, I almost wet my pants, how is a bird supposed to hold it in?
But it did, and it took the grand tour, hopping from the dash to the driver's seat, then to the back seat and the back floorboard, and then back to the front again. This went on for about five minutes. Meanwhile I'm talking to it, waving my hand in and out of the blazer to show it that there's no obstruction to the outside world, it only needs to hop to the side instead of front to back. At one point I just went to the back of the blazer and watched silently, as it hopped from one side of the dash to the other. Finally it hopped onto the passenger side door and then flew thru its open window, then to a tree nearby.
Now I've had birds in the fireplace that have gotten lost down our chimney, we've had a couple hummingbirds and other birds that have mistaken our back windows for open skies, but I've never had a bird fly into my car before. At the time it happened, I was thinking about my current work situation and how to resolve it...and about another deeper issue I'll tell you more about now.
This display, God's reminder to me of His promises, has been especially significant this week because DH is struggling yet again in his job situation. For the past four years, maybe a little longer, he has bounced from job to job, never finding one that he both enjoyed and that had the benefits and salary that we need as a family. He has built custom cabinets, worked in a door shop, helped a home remodeler, and now installs glass in office buildings, both finished and those under construction. This week he found that while he's being given more responsibility and is currently in charge of the job he's working on, his boss is hiring helpers at a much higher salary than DH currently makes. A pretty bitter pill to swallow, especially when DH really likes the people he works with and the company has the best benefits of any place he's ever worked.
So after much prayer and consideration, he sat down with his boss yesterday and asked for a raise, basing it on his new responsibilities, and not mentioning what he knows of the others' salaries. His boss doesn't want to lose him, but said he'd think about it and let DH know on Monday.
As a woman and a wife, I need to feel safe and secure in DH's ability to provide for us. I've struggled with this the past four years quite a bit. I know he is capable of anything he sets his mind to do, but we've had discussions about his lack of satisfaction with any job...it seems that no matter how good the pay or the benefits, there is always something about whatever job he has that makes him miserable. I personally feel its because God has something planned for him to do, and DH hasn't sought that out yet. Time will tell. But I always feel like the other shoe could drop at any moment and DH will come home to tell me he's going to look for a new job...or worse (and this has happened), that he's already quit the one he has...it's not a real safe feeling for a wife. And I have a hard time respecting him when it comes to this issue...every time he vents about work, I can feel myself tense up and start wondering when it will happen...I have been praying that God would change my attitude and help me put myself in DH's shoes. How would I feel if this happened to me? What would I do? How would I handle it, with the added burden of knowing my job as provider of this family? God has a lot of work to do on me, but I hope I can say I have gotten better about how I handle the inevitable moment with DH says he's no longer happy where he is, and he thinks he's going to start looking...
But in the meantime, I have these beautiful rainbows and that wonderful little bird to remind me that God is my ultimate Provider and I need not fear the future. Isn't God good?
Contest!
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Friday, February 23, 2007
Our babies
DH took this photo the other day of two of our dogs, Princess (the corgi mix) and Bella (the miniature lab). I just love it! He's a great photographer.
This is what they looked like about a year ago...
This is also one of my favorites...
We do love our babies...I read a post today on a woman's blog who recently brought home two puppies - she mentioned puppy breath. I just love puppy breath! Since we'll probably never have kids, this may be as close as I get to that newborn baby smell...yes, I know its not quite the same thing, but in my world, it is. I was telling DH the other day how much I missed that smell, and it may be time to bring another baby girl home...after all, Bella needs a younger playmate. He didn't go for that...not sure why. :-)
This is what they looked like about a year ago...
This is also one of my favorites...
We do love our babies...I read a post today on a woman's blog who recently brought home two puppies - she mentioned puppy breath. I just love puppy breath! Since we'll probably never have kids, this may be as close as I get to that newborn baby smell...yes, I know its not quite the same thing, but in my world, it is. I was telling DH the other day how much I missed that smell, and it may be time to bring another baby girl home...after all, Bella needs a younger playmate. He didn't go for that...not sure why. :-)
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Progress!
I feel like I'm finally making some progress in the knitting part of my world. I'm finished with the baby blanket, except for whipstitching the blocks together. Need to pick up another skein of LB Homespun this week to do that. I'm a bit frustrated in that every Wal-Mart I go to to pick this up, seems to be out of almost all their yarn. I'm very afraid that they are doing away with the craft/fabric section of the store, which I've read about on blogs/email lists, but haven't seen confirmed anywhere. I REALLY hope they don't do this...our town doesn't have a craft store, and the big-box store and LYS are all at least 30 minutes away from me. It's pretty convenient to pick up what I need when I'm grocery shopping, and I LOVE the $1 and $2/yard fabrics I can get there.
Now that the blanket is finished for the most part, I'm concentrating on finishing Viveka and dh's Kangaroo sweatshirt (from Sally Melville's Purl Stitch book). I'm almost finished with the front of Viveka, which leaves two sleeves and the seaming left to do, but dh's project is knitting on size 6 needles...it's making for sloooooowwwww going. He won't be wearing it this season, that's for sure, unless there's a miracle I'm not expecting. I'm about four inches from finishing the back, and that's all I've done. I am loving the yarn, though...Knit Picks Shine. It is so very soft.
Now that our taxes are completed, I have plans to purchase more of this yarn for my own sweatshirt - Celtic Icon from Inspired Cable Knits. I'll be making it in River and Cloud. I cannot WAIT to get started on it! But must wait for the direct deposit to actually arrive before that happens...
Also on the list of tax refund purchases is a digital camera...so you can actually see what I am working on!
Now that the blanket is finished for the most part, I'm concentrating on finishing Viveka and dh's Kangaroo sweatshirt (from Sally Melville's Purl Stitch book). I'm almost finished with the front of Viveka, which leaves two sleeves and the seaming left to do, but dh's project is knitting on size 6 needles...it's making for sloooooowwwww going. He won't be wearing it this season, that's for sure, unless there's a miracle I'm not expecting. I'm about four inches from finishing the back, and that's all I've done. I am loving the yarn, though...Knit Picks Shine. It is so very soft.
Now that our taxes are completed, I have plans to purchase more of this yarn for my own sweatshirt - Celtic Icon from Inspired Cable Knits. I'll be making it in River and Cloud. I cannot WAIT to get started on it! But must wait for the direct deposit to actually arrive before that happens...
Also on the list of tax refund purchases is a digital camera...so you can actually see what I am working on!
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Must get better at this...
blogging thing. I really do want to do this on a regular basis...I just keep thinking I don't have anything good to say or a good way to say it, so I just say nothing.
Have you seen the Knitty winter surprise? I'm in love with Thermal...that's definitely a drop-everything-and-knit-now item for me. I was just about to place a Knit Pick order, so this is perfect timing. I love the colors of the Gloss yarn, and it looks like a really fun knit.
I'm knitting fast and furiously on a baby blanket. Almost finished, which is good considering the baby arrived this past weekend. I'm actually knitting three blankets, one for each of their kids, so there's no sibling rivalry. I really like how they are turning out.
I also finished a cardigan that just needs to be seamed - the LB Autumn Afternoons Cardigan. I fell in love with this when I got the summer LB catalog, but didn't want to buy it. Finally just couldn't resist. I've never knitted anything from their site that's actual apparel, and I was pretty disappointed in the pattern writing, especially for one I had to pay for. Directions are only spelled out for the back, sleeves, and one front. The instructions for the opposite front just say "knit as for right front and reverse shaping." Not too hard to figure out, but shouldn't they spell that out for you? Also found a couple errors in the pattern...should be interesting to see if they actually post them.
And I've succumbed to the downloadable patterns frenzy...I've purchased many of them over the past few weeks. Wicked, Sizzle, Somewhat Cowl, Something Red, Ribby Cardi...and I'm THRILLED to know that Knit Picks has started making their patterns available for download. So much fun!
Once the baby blanket is finished, I'm seaming the cardigan and finishing Viveka. I really want to be able to wear it this season. After that, I'm thinking Wicked will be next, and probably another Central Park Hoodie - this time in LB Wool Ease. I'm usually not a big fan of acrylic, but it's soft and easy-care, and I'm by no means rich. With surgery coming up the end of March, I've got to be a penny-pinching Scrooge for a while.
Have you seen the Knitty winter surprise? I'm in love with Thermal...that's definitely a drop-everything-and-knit-now item for me. I was just about to place a Knit Pick order, so this is perfect timing. I love the colors of the Gloss yarn, and it looks like a really fun knit.
I'm knitting fast and furiously on a baby blanket. Almost finished, which is good considering the baby arrived this past weekend. I'm actually knitting three blankets, one for each of their kids, so there's no sibling rivalry. I really like how they are turning out.
I also finished a cardigan that just needs to be seamed - the LB Autumn Afternoons Cardigan. I fell in love with this when I got the summer LB catalog, but didn't want to buy it. Finally just couldn't resist. I've never knitted anything from their site that's actual apparel, and I was pretty disappointed in the pattern writing, especially for one I had to pay for. Directions are only spelled out for the back, sleeves, and one front. The instructions for the opposite front just say "knit as for right front and reverse shaping." Not too hard to figure out, but shouldn't they spell that out for you? Also found a couple errors in the pattern...should be interesting to see if they actually post them.
And I've succumbed to the downloadable patterns frenzy...I've purchased many of them over the past few weeks. Wicked, Sizzle, Somewhat Cowl, Something Red, Ribby Cardi...and I'm THRILLED to know that Knit Picks has started making their patterns available for download. So much fun!
Once the baby blanket is finished, I'm seaming the cardigan and finishing Viveka. I really want to be able to wear it this season. After that, I'm thinking Wicked will be next, and probably another Central Park Hoodie - this time in LB Wool Ease. I'm usually not a big fan of acrylic, but it's soft and easy-care, and I'm by no means rich. With surgery coming up the end of March, I've got to be a penny-pinching Scrooge for a while.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Time goes by...
I can't believe its been almost two months since my last post. Life certainly hasn't been quiet, but I just haven't felt like writing about it. Most knit blogs I read are so clever and the knitters are so interesting that I really don't feel I have much to contribute.
I did a terrible job of Christmas knitting this year. I had so many plans of things I wanted to do for gifts, but the only ones being done were a pair of Fetching gloves for my new boss, and some knit face cloths for the two women I work with - which actually aren't finished and I have until tomorrow morning to complete it or its not worth giving.
I've been knitting, but haven't completed anything. Its become a metaphor for life - I start something, really enjoy it, but when I get to the end (the finishing of the knitted item) I have no desire to continue - I usually jump over to start another project. I have so many things on the needles, and even more in the queue, but I still haven't finished the cardigan I started knitting in September. All that's left is the seaming and knitting a buttonband. But I can't seem to find the energy or motivation to finish it. New projects are much more exciting!
I'm also struggling with some sort of illness. I think I may be in the developing stages of either fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. I've just had no energy lately at all. When I get home, all I want to do is sleep. This is very unusual for me - I usually wind up staying up too late and then regreting it the next morning. But the past several weeks, I've been ready to fall into bed as soon as I get home. The last time this happened, it turned out to be mono. From what I've read, if the symptoms return, its likely the beginnings of CFS. I don't have time for that! But it's not unexpected for this to happen - many women with endo have the same issues. I just REALLY wish I didn't have to deal with it.
I have big plans though of finishing the cardigan and a few other things I've started while I enjoy the 16 DAYS OFF I have over the next couple of weeks. Words can't describe how excited I am to have this time off. So far, other than the usual Christmas duties, I only have to spend some time with my dad, at an attorney's office, drawing up a will or a living trust, whatever he decided to do. During the rest of the time, I'm knitting, knitting, cleaning house, knitting, decluttering, knitting, watching "Alias", knitting, watching "House", knitting, cooking, baking, meal planning...all the FUN stuff I don't usually get to do. The desire to be a stay-at-home-wife is getting bigger each year - maybe someday. I'd like nothing more than a house full of kids and the opportunity to raise them, home school, cook, clean, and knit. That would be heaven in my world.
I also plan to try to make my first quilt - a wall hanging, which I'm not sure where in my home should actually hang. Last year my goals were to learn to crochet, knit, and quilt. I started crocheting, but never quite got the hang of it, so I moved on to knitting. In the nine months since I picked up the needles, I haven't wanted to put them down long enough to learn to quilt. I have a ton of quilting books and magazines, and enough fabric for at least two wallhangings, two throws, and I think one queen size quilt - but I still haven't actually begun it. 2007 is the year to learn it and actually complete a project.
I love the new year. Other than Christmas its my favorite time of year. I think its because I'm so fond of new beginnings - especially in my own life. Thank God for His grace and mercy each day - we get a new slate whenever we ask forgiveness! He's so good to cleanse our hearts and let us begin again. I need that so often...
I did a terrible job of Christmas knitting this year. I had so many plans of things I wanted to do for gifts, but the only ones being done were a pair of Fetching gloves for my new boss, and some knit face cloths for the two women I work with - which actually aren't finished and I have until tomorrow morning to complete it or its not worth giving.
I've been knitting, but haven't completed anything. Its become a metaphor for life - I start something, really enjoy it, but when I get to the end (the finishing of the knitted item) I have no desire to continue - I usually jump over to start another project. I have so many things on the needles, and even more in the queue, but I still haven't finished the cardigan I started knitting in September. All that's left is the seaming and knitting a buttonband. But I can't seem to find the energy or motivation to finish it. New projects are much more exciting!
I'm also struggling with some sort of illness. I think I may be in the developing stages of either fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome. I've just had no energy lately at all. When I get home, all I want to do is sleep. This is very unusual for me - I usually wind up staying up too late and then regreting it the next morning. But the past several weeks, I've been ready to fall into bed as soon as I get home. The last time this happened, it turned out to be mono. From what I've read, if the symptoms return, its likely the beginnings of CFS. I don't have time for that! But it's not unexpected for this to happen - many women with endo have the same issues. I just REALLY wish I didn't have to deal with it.
I have big plans though of finishing the cardigan and a few other things I've started while I enjoy the 16 DAYS OFF I have over the next couple of weeks. Words can't describe how excited I am to have this time off. So far, other than the usual Christmas duties, I only have to spend some time with my dad, at an attorney's office, drawing up a will or a living trust, whatever he decided to do. During the rest of the time, I'm knitting, knitting, cleaning house, knitting, decluttering, knitting, watching "Alias", knitting, watching "House", knitting, cooking, baking, meal planning...all the FUN stuff I don't usually get to do. The desire to be a stay-at-home-wife is getting bigger each year - maybe someday. I'd like nothing more than a house full of kids and the opportunity to raise them, home school, cook, clean, and knit. That would be heaven in my world.
I also plan to try to make my first quilt - a wall hanging, which I'm not sure where in my home should actually hang. Last year my goals were to learn to crochet, knit, and quilt. I started crocheting, but never quite got the hang of it, so I moved on to knitting. In the nine months since I picked up the needles, I haven't wanted to put them down long enough to learn to quilt. I have a ton of quilting books and magazines, and enough fabric for at least two wallhangings, two throws, and I think one queen size quilt - but I still haven't actually begun it. 2007 is the year to learn it and actually complete a project.
I love the new year. Other than Christmas its my favorite time of year. I think its because I'm so fond of new beginnings - especially in my own life. Thank God for His grace and mercy each day - we get a new slate whenever we ask forgiveness! He's so good to cleanse our hearts and let us begin again. I need that so often...
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
When will it end?
This week hasn't started out so great. I had my annual review at work and was extremely disappointed, mostly in myself. I can't say that I agreed with everything, but the things I did agree with didn't make me very happy about myself. Not a great way to start the week, and I'm already wishing it was over.
On the knitting front, I did start Viveka, and it seems to be turning out OK. I was a little worried once I cast on because I couldn't quite get gauge exactly (using Caron Simply Soft Tweed in Dark Sage), and while I was close, no matter how many needle sizes I went, it wasn't exact. I was just about to call it a day and decide to use the yarn for something else when I figured what the heck, I'll just knit a few inches and see what happens. So far so good. Big relief, 'cause though I'd like to buy more yarn - hey who wouldn't? - its probably not a very good idea right now.
I did take advantage of the big yarn sale at Michael's and purchased some Lion Brand Jiffy to make the cover sweater of the recent Knit Simple. I'd just about talked myself out of it when I picked up a Leisure Arts book by Melissa Leapman and she'd used several inexpensive acrylic yarns - and the finished product looked great. I'm by no means a yarn snob, but I've gotten to the point where I'm afraid to spend so much time on something using less expensive yarn, only to have it wear out quickly, or something along those lines. Finally I decided that a company probably wouldn't be in business for over 100 years if their product wasn't fairly decent, and the reviews I've read of the yarns haven't been bad, either. So I'll just keep trucking along on my next-to-nothing yarn budget and hope for the best.
I also purchased some Red Heart Soft in Paprika - for a yet-to-be-determined project. Love the color!
On the knitting front, I did start Viveka, and it seems to be turning out OK. I was a little worried once I cast on because I couldn't quite get gauge exactly (using Caron Simply Soft Tweed in Dark Sage), and while I was close, no matter how many needle sizes I went, it wasn't exact. I was just about to call it a day and decide to use the yarn for something else when I figured what the heck, I'll just knit a few inches and see what happens. So far so good. Big relief, 'cause though I'd like to buy more yarn - hey who wouldn't? - its probably not a very good idea right now.
I did take advantage of the big yarn sale at Michael's and purchased some Lion Brand Jiffy to make the cover sweater of the recent Knit Simple. I'd just about talked myself out of it when I picked up a Leisure Arts book by Melissa Leapman and she'd used several inexpensive acrylic yarns - and the finished product looked great. I'm by no means a yarn snob, but I've gotten to the point where I'm afraid to spend so much time on something using less expensive yarn, only to have it wear out quickly, or something along those lines. Finally I decided that a company probably wouldn't be in business for over 100 years if their product wasn't fairly decent, and the reviews I've read of the yarns haven't been bad, either. So I'll just keep trucking along on my next-to-nothing yarn budget and hope for the best.
I also purchased some Red Heart Soft in Paprika - for a yet-to-be-determined project. Love the color!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Contentment...
I'm really struggling with feeling content right now, and I'm not sure why. I'm feeling pretty bummed lately, and honestly there's no reason to feel that way. I think the honest answer is that I feel like I'm farther from God than I've been in a good long while. There are lots of reasons for this, but the bottom line is that I know I'm not attending church regularly, I'm not spending time with Him daily, I'm not praying regularly...He's not the first thing in my life, and I'm miserable because of it. I know I need to draw closer to Him, so He will draw close to me, but there's a part of me that's saying why? Why do I have to? Why is it so easy for so many other people, especially those that aren't Christians, yet its so hard for me?
I wonder if I'm the only person who feels this way...here's an example: we need a new oven, a double oven to boot. The one currently in our house is at least 30 years old (still that beautiful seventies gold) and though we were blessed in that the top oven lasted the first four years we lived in the house, the last 8 months or so, we've been confined to cooking in the bottom oven. This would be fine, except that it has started overheating - the temp is always about 200 degrees hotter than what you set the temp for.
So we started shopping around, and found that we were going to have a really easy decision to make - the size of our oven only comes in one model per manufacturer, and since the oven is built into brick, its not like we can buy a larger one and just make room for it. When I checked on prices of ovens a few years ago, I could buy a stainless steel double oven for about $900. Now they are at least $1200, and that's on sale, and the base model (as I said we're limited to what we can buy, and the size we need doesnt' come with bells and whistles).
I'm perfectly fine with making do and doing without - its what we've done for years in lots of areas. But I just read of another woman who lives in my state who was blessed with a stainless steel, CONVECTION, double oven for - get this - wait for it - $300. Am I happy for her? Of course! She is one of the sweetest people I've ever "met" on the web! But just a little (OK, a big) twinge of jealousy reared its ugly head when I read that. The difference between me and her is that she and her DH are very faithful to tithe, and God is always blessing them for it. Me? I have such a problem trusting Him to provide. I hate that about myself. I am not a cheerful giver, and we honestly don't give much of anything right now. I know that is awful, but I'm not trying to impress anyone here, I'm just trying to be transparent.
I wish I could just let go and trust Him. I pray someday soon I am able to do just that. I want to let Him live thru me so that He gets all the glory. I want to be used by Him. But I don't want it enough to surrender. And that scares me, because I know I need to, and I know He is calling me to do just that.
On a lighter note...
I am almost finished with the Central Park Hoodie. Finishing the last sleeve tonight, hopefully, then all that's left is the hood, seaming, and edging - at least I think that's all - its my first sweater pattern. Now I just have to figure out what to start next - I have a lot to choose from. I'm leaning towards Viveka or Ivy from the recent Knitty, or Interlocking Cables from IK's website. I'm also trying to learn continental knitting, so Knitty's Satchel is a project I'm dedicating to just that type of knitting until its familiar to me. There's also Starsky to consider, since belted cable jackets are supposed to be "in" this fall/winter. Of course, until I lose about 50 pounds, I don't need to be wearing anything with a belt. :-)
I wonder if I'm the only person who feels this way...here's an example: we need a new oven, a double oven to boot. The one currently in our house is at least 30 years old (still that beautiful seventies gold) and though we were blessed in that the top oven lasted the first four years we lived in the house, the last 8 months or so, we've been confined to cooking in the bottom oven. This would be fine, except that it has started overheating - the temp is always about 200 degrees hotter than what you set the temp for.
So we started shopping around, and found that we were going to have a really easy decision to make - the size of our oven only comes in one model per manufacturer, and since the oven is built into brick, its not like we can buy a larger one and just make room for it. When I checked on prices of ovens a few years ago, I could buy a stainless steel double oven for about $900. Now they are at least $1200, and that's on sale, and the base model (as I said we're limited to what we can buy, and the size we need doesnt' come with bells and whistles).
I'm perfectly fine with making do and doing without - its what we've done for years in lots of areas. But I just read of another woman who lives in my state who was blessed with a stainless steel, CONVECTION, double oven for - get this - wait for it - $300. Am I happy for her? Of course! She is one of the sweetest people I've ever "met" on the web! But just a little (OK, a big) twinge of jealousy reared its ugly head when I read that. The difference between me and her is that she and her DH are very faithful to tithe, and God is always blessing them for it. Me? I have such a problem trusting Him to provide. I hate that about myself. I am not a cheerful giver, and we honestly don't give much of anything right now. I know that is awful, but I'm not trying to impress anyone here, I'm just trying to be transparent.
I wish I could just let go and trust Him. I pray someday soon I am able to do just that. I want to let Him live thru me so that He gets all the glory. I want to be used by Him. But I don't want it enough to surrender. And that scares me, because I know I need to, and I know He is calling me to do just that.
On a lighter note...
I am almost finished with the Central Park Hoodie. Finishing the last sleeve tonight, hopefully, then all that's left is the hood, seaming, and edging - at least I think that's all - its my first sweater pattern. Now I just have to figure out what to start next - I have a lot to choose from. I'm leaning towards Viveka or Ivy from the recent Knitty, or Interlocking Cables from IK's website. I'm also trying to learn continental knitting, so Knitty's Satchel is a project I'm dedicating to just that type of knitting until its familiar to me. There's also Starsky to consider, since belted cable jackets are supposed to be "in" this fall/winter. Of course, until I lose about 50 pounds, I don't need to be wearing anything with a belt. :-)
Thursday, September 28, 2006
Need more hours in the day...
I really need some motivation. Motivation for lots of reasons. Motivation to just do the basics in life - laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, menu planning, coupon cutting. Motivation to start working out so I can actually wear all the things I want to knit (it's occurred to me that I wouldn't have to buy so much yarn if I didn't have to knit the largest size, therefore I could use the money I'm currently spending on the larger amount of yarn to buy yarn for other projects). Motivation to actually work while AT work.
But all I want to do is knit.
I'm not depressed. I'm just lazy. And obsessed with knitting. To the point that last night, when I got home I had to fold laundry, straighten up the kitchen, start another load of laundry, run a load of dishes in the dishwasher, help DH bathe the dogs, fix dinner, go thru the mail, and take out the trash. All things that most normal women do on any given day. But I was irritated by the time I finally got to sit down, eat, watch TV and knit. Irritated because I had spent two hours doing all these things when I could have been knitting. And irritated with myself because I know I shouldn't feel this way.
My priorities are out of line. I'm becoming lazy. Knitting is supposed to be a hobby, not an obsession. I know this, yet I don't want to stop knitting. I keep thinking that I need to just spend a few minutes menu planning and going over the grocery store sales, making lists and designing routines for each day so I can come home, do the things that need to be done quickly, and have more time to knit. I love to read, and I haven't read a book completely thru in months. Magazines are arriving in the mail and being stacked without me even glancing thru them (my living room is a library right now and DH isn't happy about it). I'm exhausted because I'm staying up too late at night to knit.
There are so many things I want to do and want to have - a clean, organized house so I can relax and not feel guilty while knitting (and DH would be happier), sell some things on Ebay (magazines, anyone?), cookbooks I want to go thru and recipes I want to try, books I want to read, I still want to learn to quilt and crochet...but knitting is taking priority over all of these things. I keep finding more projects I want to start, many more than I'll ever actually be able to knit. I have enough yarn for several projects yet want to buy more. I have a list of things I need to have finished by Christmas, yet I haven't even started on them.
And I have no idea how to stop knitting. And no desire to.
Frustrating.
But all I want to do is knit.
I'm not depressed. I'm just lazy. And obsessed with knitting. To the point that last night, when I got home I had to fold laundry, straighten up the kitchen, start another load of laundry, run a load of dishes in the dishwasher, help DH bathe the dogs, fix dinner, go thru the mail, and take out the trash. All things that most normal women do on any given day. But I was irritated by the time I finally got to sit down, eat, watch TV and knit. Irritated because I had spent two hours doing all these things when I could have been knitting. And irritated with myself because I know I shouldn't feel this way.
My priorities are out of line. I'm becoming lazy. Knitting is supposed to be a hobby, not an obsession. I know this, yet I don't want to stop knitting. I keep thinking that I need to just spend a few minutes menu planning and going over the grocery store sales, making lists and designing routines for each day so I can come home, do the things that need to be done quickly, and have more time to knit. I love to read, and I haven't read a book completely thru in months. Magazines are arriving in the mail and being stacked without me even glancing thru them (my living room is a library right now and DH isn't happy about it). I'm exhausted because I'm staying up too late at night to knit.
There are so many things I want to do and want to have - a clean, organized house so I can relax and not feel guilty while knitting (and DH would be happier), sell some things on Ebay (magazines, anyone?), cookbooks I want to go thru and recipes I want to try, books I want to read, I still want to learn to quilt and crochet...but knitting is taking priority over all of these things. I keep finding more projects I want to start, many more than I'll ever actually be able to knit. I have enough yarn for several projects yet want to buy more. I have a list of things I need to have finished by Christmas, yet I haven't even started on them.
And I have no idea how to stop knitting. And no desire to.
Frustrating.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Reminiscing...
I just ran into a guy I work with who was in Montana last week on vacation.
Montana. Land of my hopes, wishes, and dreams.
Dh and I were able to take what was the trip of a lifetime to Stevensville, MT, in April of 2005. We have always said we want to live in Montana, though neither of us had been there. It's just such a beautiful state, the weather is perfect (for us, anyway), and the best part is there's not a lot of people. I love to pull out the road atlas and just look at the cities along the highways, and the vast expanse of land where there's nothing...that's our idea of perfection.
So for Christmas 2004, we were handed an all-expense paid trip to Montana, to stay on a ranch in what has got to be the most perfect cabin on earth. It was the first time DH had flown, which was really fun for me to be a part of. We arrived on a Saturday, and didn't leave until the following Saturday. Seven nights of heaven.
We awoke to this view from the front porch of our cabin:
The first day we were there, we decided to go for a drive into the Bitterroot mountains, and possibly hike. Idiots that we were, we decided to do this late in the day, and keep in mind this was April - many roads were still closed in areas due to snow.
So we picked a trail that sounded good - Hidden Lake, I think it was called - and started up the mountain. As we rounded a curve in the one lane road, going up the side of this mountain, we came up on snow. Since we were in a 4WD SUV, DH took one look at this small spot of snow, which hadn't melted as it was in the shade of the mountain, and said no problem, we can get thru that. After all, there were tire tracks in it - someone had gone before us.
But no sooner had we started to drive thru it, than our back tires started sliding...towards the edge of this mountian road, with nothing but a drop off on the other side. Talk about losing your stomach...we prayed for safety and forgiveness for our stupidity, and Dh made me get out of the vehicle while he backed up the SUV, with me guiding him to get the tires back into the tracks already there.
What did we do then? Stopped and took pictures, of course!
While we were there, we went antique shopping, went on long drives, drove to Whitefish, MT, and went to Glacier National Park, which we were unable to get all the way in to since only 11 miles of the road into the park had been cleared.
Since we live in central Arkansas, where it rarely snows and 1" is enough to shut down the city, we were overjoyed to wake up to a winter wonderland one morning.
The entire trip was just perfection. It was very hard to get on the plane and come home, because Montana felt like home, like no other place I've ever been has before.
So at some point, should the Lord tarry and should He choose to lead us there, we hope to make it a permanent address. Our tentative plans are to pay off our home, fix it up and sell it, then move to Montana and pay cash for a nice spread there. This way I can return to school for physical therapy and DH can do whatever he wants, as long as he brings home enough money for food, utilities, and yarn, of course!
Montana. Land of my hopes, wishes, and dreams.
Dh and I were able to take what was the trip of a lifetime to Stevensville, MT, in April of 2005. We have always said we want to live in Montana, though neither of us had been there. It's just such a beautiful state, the weather is perfect (for us, anyway), and the best part is there's not a lot of people. I love to pull out the road atlas and just look at the cities along the highways, and the vast expanse of land where there's nothing...that's our idea of perfection.
So for Christmas 2004, we were handed an all-expense paid trip to Montana, to stay on a ranch in what has got to be the most perfect cabin on earth. It was the first time DH had flown, which was really fun for me to be a part of. We arrived on a Saturday, and didn't leave until the following Saturday. Seven nights of heaven.
We awoke to this view from the front porch of our cabin:
The first day we were there, we decided to go for a drive into the Bitterroot mountains, and possibly hike. Idiots that we were, we decided to do this late in the day, and keep in mind this was April - many roads were still closed in areas due to snow.
So we picked a trail that sounded good - Hidden Lake, I think it was called - and started up the mountain. As we rounded a curve in the one lane road, going up the side of this mountain, we came up on snow. Since we were in a 4WD SUV, DH took one look at this small spot of snow, which hadn't melted as it was in the shade of the mountain, and said no problem, we can get thru that. After all, there were tire tracks in it - someone had gone before us.
But no sooner had we started to drive thru it, than our back tires started sliding...towards the edge of this mountian road, with nothing but a drop off on the other side. Talk about losing your stomach...we prayed for safety and forgiveness for our stupidity, and Dh made me get out of the vehicle while he backed up the SUV, with me guiding him to get the tires back into the tracks already there.
What did we do then? Stopped and took pictures, of course!
While we were there, we went antique shopping, went on long drives, drove to Whitefish, MT, and went to Glacier National Park, which we were unable to get all the way in to since only 11 miles of the road into the park had been cleared.
Since we live in central Arkansas, where it rarely snows and 1" is enough to shut down the city, we were overjoyed to wake up to a winter wonderland one morning.
The entire trip was just perfection. It was very hard to get on the plane and come home, because Montana felt like home, like no other place I've ever been has before.
So at some point, should the Lord tarry and should He choose to lead us there, we hope to make it a permanent address. Our tentative plans are to pay off our home, fix it up and sell it, then move to Montana and pay cash for a nice spread there. This way I can return to school for physical therapy and DH can do whatever he wants, as long as he brings home enough money for food, utilities, and yarn, of course!
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Bad knitter (slap hand)...
I know, I know....I'm supposed to actually READ the pattern thru before beginning to knit. I realize there's an actual purpose for doing so, that I can save myself a lot of grief and anguish and clenched teeth, if I just READ the pattern.
But did I READ the pattern? ALL the way thru?
This is my first sweater, the Central Park Hoodie from the most recent Knitscene. I am loving the pattern, I love the yarn (well, as much as you can love acrylic - I'm using Simply Soft Tweed in Autumn Red - hey I'm on a budget!), especially the color, I like the fact that I'm learning cables and these aren't too difficult...
But I'm just so excited to be knitting my first ever sweater, in a pattern that I just love, and since its actually a little chilly when I do the paper route in the mornings, I've been a little, shall we say, rushed, to get this thing finished. So when I saw that I needed to knit the back until it was 14 1/2", and I got to that point, I figured I'd just keep going...after all, I wanted to make it a little larger than the pattern called for - just a little longer, not much - and the length just didn't look right.
Mistake #1 - Not reading the pattern thru and not checking the schematic (did I mention this is my first sweater?)
So how much more did I knit past the 14 1/2" mark? Only five extra inches (I got a little carried away with the process of knitting)...before I actually looked at the schematic and realized that 14 1/2" is just the length from the bottom of the back to the beginning of the armholes.
I've decided its not worth it to rip it out. Yes, it will be longer than I wanted, but I think I have enough yarn - I ordered extra.
So I just kept going.
Today at lunch (I usually try to knit at my desk) I started binding off the armholes. The pattern calls for four rows in which you are binding off, then one decrease row, followed by one regular pattern row, then another decrease row. I should have known better than to try to attempt this part of the pattern at my desk, when my boss was trying to get things together to go out of town tomorrow and my lunch hour was more of a working lunch hour. But did I mention how badly I want to wear this sweater?
So I knit the two bind off rows, and the first decrease row. It was while knitting the third row (the regular pattern row) that I realized I hadn't knitted the previous decrease row correctly. No problem, said I, the super-inexperienced knitter - I can just decrease a stitch on this row and no one will be the wiser. After all, its the armholes - who's going to know?
Mistake #2: Knitting at my desk at lunch
Yeah, you guessed it...I decreased a stitch on the wrong end. The decrease should have been on the beginning of the row I was currently knitting.
So tonight I get to frog that row and part of the previous row and actually knit the end of the decrease row correctly. Honestly not such a big deal, just a pain and wasted time that could be spent actually making progress on this thing, not going backwards. I also get to sit and READ THE PATTERN THRU to hopefully prevent another stupid time consuming mistake on the sleeves, front panels, and hood.
And now I'm panicking that I won't have enough yarn, since I now have to make both the front and the back 5 inches larger than the pattern called for. But this isn't making me sad at all. I mean, why be upset when I have the opportunity to buy more yarn? :-) This is NEVER a bad thing.
But did I READ the pattern? ALL the way thru?
This is my first sweater, the Central Park Hoodie from the most recent Knitscene. I am loving the pattern, I love the yarn (well, as much as you can love acrylic - I'm using Simply Soft Tweed in Autumn Red - hey I'm on a budget!), especially the color, I like the fact that I'm learning cables and these aren't too difficult...
But I'm just so excited to be knitting my first ever sweater, in a pattern that I just love, and since its actually a little chilly when I do the paper route in the mornings, I've been a little, shall we say, rushed, to get this thing finished. So when I saw that I needed to knit the back until it was 14 1/2", and I got to that point, I figured I'd just keep going...after all, I wanted to make it a little larger than the pattern called for - just a little longer, not much - and the length just didn't look right.
Mistake #1 - Not reading the pattern thru and not checking the schematic (did I mention this is my first sweater?)
So how much more did I knit past the 14 1/2" mark? Only five extra inches (I got a little carried away with the process of knitting)...before I actually looked at the schematic and realized that 14 1/2" is just the length from the bottom of the back to the beginning of the armholes.
I've decided its not worth it to rip it out. Yes, it will be longer than I wanted, but I think I have enough yarn - I ordered extra.
So I just kept going.
Today at lunch (I usually try to knit at my desk) I started binding off the armholes. The pattern calls for four rows in which you are binding off, then one decrease row, followed by one regular pattern row, then another decrease row. I should have known better than to try to attempt this part of the pattern at my desk, when my boss was trying to get things together to go out of town tomorrow and my lunch hour was more of a working lunch hour. But did I mention how badly I want to wear this sweater?
So I knit the two bind off rows, and the first decrease row. It was while knitting the third row (the regular pattern row) that I realized I hadn't knitted the previous decrease row correctly. No problem, said I, the super-inexperienced knitter - I can just decrease a stitch on this row and no one will be the wiser. After all, its the armholes - who's going to know?
Mistake #2: Knitting at my desk at lunch
Yeah, you guessed it...I decreased a stitch on the wrong end. The decrease should have been on the beginning of the row I was currently knitting.
So tonight I get to frog that row and part of the previous row and actually knit the end of the decrease row correctly. Honestly not such a big deal, just a pain and wasted time that could be spent actually making progress on this thing, not going backwards. I also get to sit and READ THE PATTERN THRU to hopefully prevent another stupid time consuming mistake on the sleeves, front panels, and hood.
And now I'm panicking that I won't have enough yarn, since I now have to make both the front and the back 5 inches larger than the pattern called for. But this isn't making me sad at all. I mean, why be upset when I have the opportunity to buy more yarn? :-) This is NEVER a bad thing.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Angry isn't the right word...
I am so angry/frustrated/furious/confused/hurt right now that I can't put it into words.
Three weeks ago I wound up in the ER with a kidney stone on the right side. I was given the choice to either do a CT scan or just go home and follow up with my urologist as I've had these things for 15 years. I chose the latter since it was midnight and we'd been there for 3 hours already.
By the next week, I'd had no progress in passing the stone, so I went to the urologist. She did a CT scan which showed multiple stones in each kidney (nothing new for me). While the stone that sent me to the ER was on the right side, in the office that day I was having more pain on the left. Apparently since I'd been drinking so much to flush out the right stone, I'd pushed a stone out of my kidney on the opposite side. I stood next to the doctor as we looked at the computer screen and went over the CT scan, and she pointed out the large stone in my left kidney and told me that's what was causing my pain. She couldn't see the stone on the right side at all, and told me it must have moved back into my kidney - though I could tell from the pain that it was out of my kidney and making it's way out. She gave me a scrip for pain meds, told me she was sorry I was hurting, and if I experienced acute pain, to call the office.
It's now been two weeks since that office visit. I called the office on Monday and explained I needed to get in to see her again, because I hadn't passed this stone, and was still having pain on the left side - the larger stone is trying to move out of my kidney. She ordered an IVP, which is a series of timed x-rays, and that was performed on Wednesday. At her office Wed. afternoon, she told me that the IVP didn't show any obstruction or blockage, therefore she couldn't reconcile my pain with a stone. She also made a big production of explaining that just because I had a stone didnt' mean the pain I was having (not denying that i WAS having pain) was coming from a stone. And if she didn't have a visible cause for pain, she couldn't prescribe any pain meds. Basically everything I'm experiencing, which she validated two weeks ago, and what she says she's seeing now are two different things.
The fact that I passed the stone at 4:30 AM on Wednesday, the one that she said had gone back into my kidney, doesn't seem to make a difference. When I left her office on Wednesday, I felt good about it because I'd been assertive. I'd told her that i didn't mean to be disrespectful or offend her, but I know me and I know my body and I know that the pain I'm having on my left side is from a stone that's trying to come out. I know that the multiple 4 to 5 mm stones the CT scan showed are just going to sit there and get bigger, and she'll (or someone) will be doing litho in a few months. I know that I missed six days of work with no pay and it took 3 weeks to pass the stone she was holding in her hand, which due to its size was a minor miracle. And I didn't take pain meds for fun, as she was implying. In fact its really inconvenient because I have a high tolerance to pain meds and have to take a lot to get relief. At the ER, it took two pain shots and I still left the hospital in pain, granted less pain than when I went in, but I didn't leave pain free. She told me I wasn't offending her, I knew my body better than she did, and that we would get me fixed one way or another. She even hugged me before I left and joked with me to not be so hard on my doctors.
Today she told me she felt like she was being very clear and that the conversation was going in circles. Bottom line is that if she can't see it on an x-ray, its not there, no matter how much experience I have with this or what I'm saying I'm feeling.
And while she even said I'm welcome to get a 2nd opinion, I really can't. See the clinic she's with is also the clinic that pretty much every other urologist in town is with. I'm not sure I can even transfer to another doctor in that clinic, and even if i did, as colleagues, I doubt I'd get a doc that would back me up and not her.
Guess I'll just have to wait until the pain is so bad I have to go to the ER, let them do another CT scan, and then shove the results in her face and then tell her sorry, I'm going to have another doc to the litho so he can get my money and not you.
I used to want to be a doctor. I so wish I could be now. I would be much better with patients than she will ever be. And i have to wonder if its because I'm a woman. I've never had a physician treat me this way, basically telling me its all in my head.
I curse her with many kidney stones, in the wilderness far from any pain meds.
Three weeks ago I wound up in the ER with a kidney stone on the right side. I was given the choice to either do a CT scan or just go home and follow up with my urologist as I've had these things for 15 years. I chose the latter since it was midnight and we'd been there for 3 hours already.
By the next week, I'd had no progress in passing the stone, so I went to the urologist. She did a CT scan which showed multiple stones in each kidney (nothing new for me). While the stone that sent me to the ER was on the right side, in the office that day I was having more pain on the left. Apparently since I'd been drinking so much to flush out the right stone, I'd pushed a stone out of my kidney on the opposite side. I stood next to the doctor as we looked at the computer screen and went over the CT scan, and she pointed out the large stone in my left kidney and told me that's what was causing my pain. She couldn't see the stone on the right side at all, and told me it must have moved back into my kidney - though I could tell from the pain that it was out of my kidney and making it's way out. She gave me a scrip for pain meds, told me she was sorry I was hurting, and if I experienced acute pain, to call the office.
It's now been two weeks since that office visit. I called the office on Monday and explained I needed to get in to see her again, because I hadn't passed this stone, and was still having pain on the left side - the larger stone is trying to move out of my kidney. She ordered an IVP, which is a series of timed x-rays, and that was performed on Wednesday. At her office Wed. afternoon, she told me that the IVP didn't show any obstruction or blockage, therefore she couldn't reconcile my pain with a stone. She also made a big production of explaining that just because I had a stone didnt' mean the pain I was having (not denying that i WAS having pain) was coming from a stone. And if she didn't have a visible cause for pain, she couldn't prescribe any pain meds. Basically everything I'm experiencing, which she validated two weeks ago, and what she says she's seeing now are two different things.
The fact that I passed the stone at 4:30 AM on Wednesday, the one that she said had gone back into my kidney, doesn't seem to make a difference. When I left her office on Wednesday, I felt good about it because I'd been assertive. I'd told her that i didn't mean to be disrespectful or offend her, but I know me and I know my body and I know that the pain I'm having on my left side is from a stone that's trying to come out. I know that the multiple 4 to 5 mm stones the CT scan showed are just going to sit there and get bigger, and she'll (or someone) will be doing litho in a few months. I know that I missed six days of work with no pay and it took 3 weeks to pass the stone she was holding in her hand, which due to its size was a minor miracle. And I didn't take pain meds for fun, as she was implying. In fact its really inconvenient because I have a high tolerance to pain meds and have to take a lot to get relief. At the ER, it took two pain shots and I still left the hospital in pain, granted less pain than when I went in, but I didn't leave pain free. She told me I wasn't offending her, I knew my body better than she did, and that we would get me fixed one way or another. She even hugged me before I left and joked with me to not be so hard on my doctors.
Today she told me she felt like she was being very clear and that the conversation was going in circles. Bottom line is that if she can't see it on an x-ray, its not there, no matter how much experience I have with this or what I'm saying I'm feeling.
And while she even said I'm welcome to get a 2nd opinion, I really can't. See the clinic she's with is also the clinic that pretty much every other urologist in town is with. I'm not sure I can even transfer to another doctor in that clinic, and even if i did, as colleagues, I doubt I'd get a doc that would back me up and not her.
Guess I'll just have to wait until the pain is so bad I have to go to the ER, let them do another CT scan, and then shove the results in her face and then tell her sorry, I'm going to have another doc to the litho so he can get my money and not you.
I used to want to be a doctor. I so wish I could be now. I would be much better with patients than she will ever be. And i have to wonder if its because I'm a woman. I've never had a physician treat me this way, basically telling me its all in my head.
I curse her with many kidney stones, in the wilderness far from any pain meds.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Round and round we go...
I had written a very long, detailed post a few days ago, but somehow, it got lost...guess I didn't need to be quite so detailed.
The past few weeks have been a pretty bad nightmare. In fact, for about a week, it was a running joke as to what would happen next. Our home was almost foreclosed on, due to the mortgage company lying to me (no, that's not an excuse, it's the truth); I came home to find a burning rubber smell that turned out to be an extension cord that was about to catch fire; DH had an accident at work that could have cost him his job; a local dentist sued me in small claims court, saying I hadn't paid his bill when I had - he had "lost" the checks I'd written - conveniently after I wrote him a truthful but polite letter about how his bedside manner was the worst I'd ever experienced and left me in tears - and I'd refused to write him more checks until the others (postdated) had a chance to clear; almost had a tire blowout; seems like there was something else, but I'm forgetting at the moment. All of these things happened in a matter of days. Fortunately, the house thing is now straightened out (though we were also given notice that our homeowner's insurance company will no longer be a subsidiary of the larger company who has our policy (or something like that), so for the 2nd time in five years, we have to find new homeowner's insurance. This could prove to be a blessing, since we have the chance to lower our house payment, but I'm not holding my breath.
On top of all of this, I wound up in the ER almost three weeks ago with yet another kidney stone. Since it was midnight, I decided to go home and just see if it would pass. A week later, I went to the urologist and had a CT scan done, which showed no stones in the ureter - but there are at least six stones between my two kidneys. I thought the uro would go ahead and do lithotripsy, but no - she said since they were small, they might just stay in the kidney, and if they tried to pass, they would probably go on thru. Nevermind that I'm sitting in her office in pain, that she had to perform litho two years ago, and that one of the stones is WAY too large for me to pass and I told her this.
So now its been almost three weeks since that ER visit, and no stones have passed. I'm still in pain, nauseous, low grade fever, bladder spasms, loss of appetite, just general misery. Missed six days of work with no pay. I called her office at 9 AM yesterday and left a message for the nurse to call me. At 4 PM, I called again, since I needed a med refill YESTERDAY, and FINALLY at 5 PM, she calls.
So now I'm scheduled for an IVP tomorrow (where they inject dye so they can see the stones clearly), which means clear fluids for 18 hours and an oh-so-fun Fleet's enema tonight, followed by an appt with the doc tomorrow afternoon. I am praying she will go ahead and schedule the litho. There's no point in going on like this - I'm sick to death of feeling sick to death.
On the knitting front, I've been on a spending spree. I purchased yarn for DH's sweatshirt (the Kangaroo Duo pattern from Sally Melville's "The Purl Stitch), for Knitty's Satchel, and for Knitty's Starsky patterns. I also bought Knit Picks new Options needle set, and also a set of their KIP bags. I LOVE THEM. BOTH OF THEM.
Also had to purchase some LB Homespun to start on three baby afghans, in addition to three other afghans I need to make for Christmas. Something tells me they won't be finished on time. :-) I'm also knitting the Central Park Hoodie from Knitscene in Caron's Simply Soft Tweed, and it's working out GREAT. I love how soft the yarn is, and the color...I love Simply Soft's colors.
Still working on Knitty's Cozy, too, and I also have LB's hooded sweater pattern on the needles for DH. Once all of these are finished, I'm starting on Lady Eleanor - Noro Silk Garden #234 just arrived today. :-)
And at some point, in the middle of all of this knitting madness, I have to start my first pair of socks in one of the three or four kinds of KP yarns I bought that should arrive tomorrow. DH wants a pair for Christmas.
The past few weeks have been a pretty bad nightmare. In fact, for about a week, it was a running joke as to what would happen next. Our home was almost foreclosed on, due to the mortgage company lying to me (no, that's not an excuse, it's the truth); I came home to find a burning rubber smell that turned out to be an extension cord that was about to catch fire; DH had an accident at work that could have cost him his job; a local dentist sued me in small claims court, saying I hadn't paid his bill when I had - he had "lost" the checks I'd written - conveniently after I wrote him a truthful but polite letter about how his bedside manner was the worst I'd ever experienced and left me in tears - and I'd refused to write him more checks until the others (postdated) had a chance to clear; almost had a tire blowout; seems like there was something else, but I'm forgetting at the moment. All of these things happened in a matter of days. Fortunately, the house thing is now straightened out (though we were also given notice that our homeowner's insurance company will no longer be a subsidiary of the larger company who has our policy (or something like that), so for the 2nd time in five years, we have to find new homeowner's insurance. This could prove to be a blessing, since we have the chance to lower our house payment, but I'm not holding my breath.
On top of all of this, I wound up in the ER almost three weeks ago with yet another kidney stone. Since it was midnight, I decided to go home and just see if it would pass. A week later, I went to the urologist and had a CT scan done, which showed no stones in the ureter - but there are at least six stones between my two kidneys. I thought the uro would go ahead and do lithotripsy, but no - she said since they were small, they might just stay in the kidney, and if they tried to pass, they would probably go on thru. Nevermind that I'm sitting in her office in pain, that she had to perform litho two years ago, and that one of the stones is WAY too large for me to pass and I told her this.
So now its been almost three weeks since that ER visit, and no stones have passed. I'm still in pain, nauseous, low grade fever, bladder spasms, loss of appetite, just general misery. Missed six days of work with no pay. I called her office at 9 AM yesterday and left a message for the nurse to call me. At 4 PM, I called again, since I needed a med refill YESTERDAY, and FINALLY at 5 PM, she calls.
So now I'm scheduled for an IVP tomorrow (where they inject dye so they can see the stones clearly), which means clear fluids for 18 hours and an oh-so-fun Fleet's enema tonight, followed by an appt with the doc tomorrow afternoon. I am praying she will go ahead and schedule the litho. There's no point in going on like this - I'm sick to death of feeling sick to death.
On the knitting front, I've been on a spending spree. I purchased yarn for DH's sweatshirt (the Kangaroo Duo pattern from Sally Melville's "The Purl Stitch), for Knitty's Satchel, and for Knitty's Starsky patterns. I also bought Knit Picks new Options needle set, and also a set of their KIP bags. I LOVE THEM. BOTH OF THEM.
Also had to purchase some LB Homespun to start on three baby afghans, in addition to three other afghans I need to make for Christmas. Something tells me they won't be finished on time. :-) I'm also knitting the Central Park Hoodie from Knitscene in Caron's Simply Soft Tweed, and it's working out GREAT. I love how soft the yarn is, and the color...I love Simply Soft's colors.
Still working on Knitty's Cozy, too, and I also have LB's hooded sweater pattern on the needles for DH. Once all of these are finished, I'm starting on Lady Eleanor - Noro Silk Garden #234 just arrived today. :-)
And at some point, in the middle of all of this knitting madness, I have to start my first pair of socks in one of the three or four kinds of KP yarns I bought that should arrive tomorrow. DH wants a pair for Christmas.
Friday, August 11, 2006
I miss the rain...
Today is a beautiful day in central AR. It's only 91 degrees outside and the sky is a beautiful shade of gray and black. I'm praying for rain, any kind and any amount. Supposedly we have an increased chance tonight, but I'll believe it when I see it.
DH is leaving me a duck widow this weekend...no, its not yet duck hunting season, but his dad asked him to drive over to Memphis for a Ducks Unlimited event being held tomorrow, so I'm a single woman until tomorrow night. I have big plans for videos, junk food, knitting, and sleeping on the couch. I can't sleep in our bed when he's not there...so I sleep on the couch, usually falling asleep while watching TV.
I'm praying the weekend is uneventful. I had a tire that was almost flat on the SUV this morning, when I got up to do the paper route, and I have no spare...and no money to buy a spare at this point, but I guess I'll be coming up with the $ somehow. I was able to get a little bit of air in it at the gas station near our home, and then drove it home to air it up some more, then back to the same gas station to buy some fix-a-flat. I did the route, finished 30 minutes later than I should have, and made it home, then made it to work, and as far as I know, the tire isn't flat again. I'm hoping it will hold up until tomorrow, when I can buy a used tire from a place down the street from our house - they sell them for $25 and they are really good tires.
It will be a big problem, though, if I have a flat while doing the route tomorrow morning, because I have no one to call since DH is out of town, except for my district manager, who doesn't take too well to things like this happening, whether they are your fault or not. I'm so ready for next December to get here, so I can stop doing this route. I HATE IT. I've thrown a paper route off and on for the past four years, and I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would last this long. But until we get some things paid off, I can't give it up, no matter how tired I am or how sick of it I am. I throw seven days a week, and DH helps on most weekends - every Sunday, and Saturdays too if he's not working. He can't handle the lack of sleep, and since he has such a dangerous job in construction, I just do it myself. We'd both love to stop doing it though...if only we could win a BUNCH of money and could quit. That would be so nice.
And my house would be so much cleaner...
DH is leaving me a duck widow this weekend...no, its not yet duck hunting season, but his dad asked him to drive over to Memphis for a Ducks Unlimited event being held tomorrow, so I'm a single woman until tomorrow night. I have big plans for videos, junk food, knitting, and sleeping on the couch. I can't sleep in our bed when he's not there...so I sleep on the couch, usually falling asleep while watching TV.
I'm praying the weekend is uneventful. I had a tire that was almost flat on the SUV this morning, when I got up to do the paper route, and I have no spare...and no money to buy a spare at this point, but I guess I'll be coming up with the $ somehow. I was able to get a little bit of air in it at the gas station near our home, and then drove it home to air it up some more, then back to the same gas station to buy some fix-a-flat. I did the route, finished 30 minutes later than I should have, and made it home, then made it to work, and as far as I know, the tire isn't flat again. I'm hoping it will hold up until tomorrow, when I can buy a used tire from a place down the street from our house - they sell them for $25 and they are really good tires.
It will be a big problem, though, if I have a flat while doing the route tomorrow morning, because I have no one to call since DH is out of town, except for my district manager, who doesn't take too well to things like this happening, whether they are your fault or not. I'm so ready for next December to get here, so I can stop doing this route. I HATE IT. I've thrown a paper route off and on for the past four years, and I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would last this long. But until we get some things paid off, I can't give it up, no matter how tired I am or how sick of it I am. I throw seven days a week, and DH helps on most weekends - every Sunday, and Saturdays too if he's not working. He can't handle the lack of sleep, and since he has such a dangerous job in construction, I just do it myself. We'd both love to stop doing it though...if only we could win a BUNCH of money and could quit. That would be so nice.
And my house would be so much cleaner...
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