Friday, August 11, 2006

I miss the rain...

Today is a beautiful day in central AR. It's only 91 degrees outside and the sky is a beautiful shade of gray and black. I'm praying for rain, any kind and any amount. Supposedly we have an increased chance tonight, but I'll believe it when I see it.

DH is leaving me a duck widow this, its not yet duck hunting season, but his dad asked him to drive over to Memphis for a Ducks Unlimited event being held tomorrow, so I'm a single woman until tomorrow night. I have big plans for videos, junk food, knitting, and sleeping on the couch. I can't sleep in our bed when he's not I sleep on the couch, usually falling asleep while watching TV.

I'm praying the weekend is uneventful. I had a tire that was almost flat on the SUV this morning, when I got up to do the paper route, and I have no spare...and no money to buy a spare at this point, but I guess I'll be coming up with the $ somehow. I was able to get a little bit of air in it at the gas station near our home, and then drove it home to air it up some more, then back to the same gas station to buy some fix-a-flat. I did the route, finished 30 minutes later than I should have, and made it home, then made it to work, and as far as I know, the tire isn't flat again. I'm hoping it will hold up until tomorrow, when I can buy a used tire from a place down the street from our house - they sell them for $25 and they are really good tires.

It will be a big problem, though, if I have a flat while doing the route tomorrow morning, because I have no one to call since DH is out of town, except for my district manager, who doesn't take too well to things like this happening, whether they are your fault or not. I'm so ready for next December to get here, so I can stop doing this route. I HATE IT. I've thrown a paper route off and on for the past four years, and I never in my wildest dreams imagined it would last this long. But until we get some things paid off, I can't give it up, no matter how tired I am or how sick of it I am. I throw seven days a week, and DH helps on most weekends - every Sunday, and Saturdays too if he's not working. He can't handle the lack of sleep, and since he has such a dangerous job in construction, I just do it myself. We'd both love to stop doing it though...if only we could win a BUNCH of money and could quit. That would be so nice.

And my house would be so much cleaner...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Where have you been all my life?

I'm of the belief that God is in control of my life, no matter how big or small the details. So today I'm praising Him for what may seem pretty small in light of major issues (like the 20+ people arrested yesterday for plotting to blow up planes, or the fighting in Israel), but I'm thankful and happy all the same...

I stumbled onto this website from a link on someone's blog, and now I just need lots of paper, plenty of colored ink in my printer, and a binder with sheet protectors, 'cause I'm in heaven...

Over a thousand FREE knit/crochet patterns...ones that could have been published in Vogue Knitting or Rowan...just beautiful garments that are timeless.

WHY haven't I heard of this site before??????????

There are 54 pages in the ladies' clothing section ALONE.

I can see this will be a huge motivational tool for me the next few months. The more I get into this new knitting hobby of mine, the more I realize that the really cute, fun, fashionable patterns that I love are definitely not ones that are going to look good on my body. My current weight, which shall remain nameless (until I reach goal, of course - then it will be shouted from the rooftops!), is about 60 pounds higher than it should be, and probably 70 pounds higher than a weight, on my frame, that will make those really cute, fun, fashionable patterns look good on me.

I've known I need to do something about it for a long time, but I'm just not motivated enough to actually start eating right or exercising (the latter I resist mostly because I HATE it). I don't have the energy to deal with all the meal planning, the money for healthy foods (I don't care what you say, eating well is EXPENSIVE), and I'm usually too sleep deprived to do anything except work, keep the house from being declared a disaster area, make some sort of dinner for me and DH at night, and keep us from running out of toilet paper. That pretty much takes all I've got.

But the Lord has been showing me thru several different areas in my life that I am really without excuse. "My" body is actually His temple, and I've a responsibility to keep it as healthy as I can, to the best of my ability. I'll be honest and say I struggle with this and always will, and can come up with more excuses than you'd care to read (or have time to read in this lifetime), but that's the bottom line. I've got a family history of high blood pressure, diabetes, strokes, heart disease, and probably more that I don't know about, and I want the cycle to stop with me.

I also want to wear this one day...maybe not in public, but just having the ability to wear it would be enough for me.

The fact that my mom, at the age of 58, is moving into an assisted living center at the end of the month, is another sobering indication that I've got to do something NOW. She has had two strokes in the past six years, one of which kept her in the hospital for almost two months, and her life is drastically different from what she imagined it would be. She was a successful RN for almost 20 years, had no shortage of career opportunities, and has a heart of gold and a way with cancer patients most nurses would kill to have. But she allowed her eating habits to get the best of her, and now, at 350 lbs, can't stand on her own for long periods of time, is officially disabled and living on a fixed income, has trouble walking/sitting/moving around, and in two weeks, will no longer be living on her own.

I don't want that kind of life.

My husband doesn't deserve that kind of wife. It's not what he married or signed up for (though I know he loves me and somehow, still desires me).

I want more. I want to be able to, just once in my lifetime, put on something that I think is cute on the rack, or in the catalog, and know it's going to fit and look great. I want to be able to wear a bikini at the lake without a t-shirt or shorts to cover it. I want to climb the six flights of stairs I climb each day and not be out of breath. I want to go running and feel what is known as the "runner's high" - just once.

I want to know that the hours I put into that knit garment are going to be worth it and its going to be just as sexy on me as it is on the model advertising it.

So I'm hoping and praying that I'll be able to figure out some sort of exercise program I can stick with (the current plan is to walk 30 minutes in the morning and again at night, building up to it slowly; and to also do some form of strength training 3x/week, building up to 6x/week), and also an eating plan that's easy and tastes good. I'm hoping that next Christmas, when DH and I celebrate being debt-free, I can celebrate a new lease on life - and being able to wear that bikini I mentioned on our celebration cruise won't hurt. :-)

Thursday, August 03, 2006

So much yarn, so little $$$$

I've been browsing all the yarn sales online, and drooling over at Knit Picks' site, and I've decided I want to open a yarn store. Think about it...all the yarn you could ever want, when you want waiting for it, lots of time to knit...sounds like my dream job! Only problem is that I have no money (hence the frustration) and hardly any experience knitting, but hey, that shouldn't stop me, should it? Where there's a will, there's a way, right?

I've cast on for the Cozy shawl, and frogged it three times so far. I've also cast on for the Knit Picks' Candle Flame shawl, which has been my first experience knitting with lace weight yarn. VERY different. Still trying to finish the dishcloths I started as a housewarming gift, and I think I'll finally be done with those this week. I did actually finish a project this week - an Absorba from the MDK book for DH's bathroom. He loves it, but I'm not happy with it. I know I've done something wrong with picking up stitches or just not knowing what I'm doing because the logs of the log cabin aren't all in the right direction. So I've cast on for another one in a different color for my own bathroom, and hopefully I'll get it right this time. I really like the pattern, and its cheap yarn, so I'd like to make more of these rugs for our home.

This weekend I'll also cast on for another Clapotis, though I don't know what I'll do with it once I'm done...I just really like the pattern and its a fun knit! This one will be in Knit Picks Memories yarn, in the Rocky Mountain Dusk colorway. I just found out, however, that I'm going to be one skein short, so KP order is now necessary...besides, I'm also one skein short for the Candle Flame shawl, and who knows what will happen if I wait to order more...I may not get the same dye lot...I can come up with all kinds of reasons to order more yarn, can't I?

But isn't that part of what being a knitter is all about? :-)