Thursday, August 10, 2006

Where have you been all my life?

I'm of the belief that God is in control of my life, no matter how big or small the details. So today I'm praising Him for what may seem pretty small in light of major issues (like the 20+ people arrested yesterday for plotting to blow up planes, or the fighting in Israel), but I'm thankful and happy all the same...

I stumbled onto this website from a link on someone's blog, and now I just need lots of paper, plenty of colored ink in my printer, and a binder with sheet protectors, 'cause I'm in heaven...

Over a thousand FREE knit/crochet patterns...ones that could have been published in Vogue Knitting or Rowan...just beautiful garments that are timeless.

WHY haven't I heard of this site before??????????

There are 54 pages in the ladies' clothing section ALONE.

I can see this will be a huge motivational tool for me the next few months. The more I get into this new knitting hobby of mine, the more I realize that the really cute, fun, fashionable patterns that I love are definitely not ones that are going to look good on my body. My current weight, which shall remain nameless (until I reach goal, of course - then it will be shouted from the rooftops!), is about 60 pounds higher than it should be, and probably 70 pounds higher than a weight, on my frame, that will make those really cute, fun, fashionable patterns look good on me.

I've known I need to do something about it for a long time, but I'm just not motivated enough to actually start eating right or exercising (the latter I resist mostly because I HATE it). I don't have the energy to deal with all the meal planning, the money for healthy foods (I don't care what you say, eating well is EXPENSIVE), and I'm usually too sleep deprived to do anything except work, keep the house from being declared a disaster area, make some sort of dinner for me and DH at night, and keep us from running out of toilet paper. That pretty much takes all I've got.

But the Lord has been showing me thru several different areas in my life that I am really without excuse. "My" body is actually His temple, and I've a responsibility to keep it as healthy as I can, to the best of my ability. I'll be honest and say I struggle with this and always will, and can come up with more excuses than you'd care to read (or have time to read in this lifetime), but that's the bottom line. I've got a family history of high blood pressure, diabetes, strokes, heart disease, and probably more that I don't know about, and I want the cycle to stop with me.

I also want to wear this one day...maybe not in public, but just having the ability to wear it would be enough for me.

The fact that my mom, at the age of 58, is moving into an assisted living center at the end of the month, is another sobering indication that I've got to do something NOW. She has had two strokes in the past six years, one of which kept her in the hospital for almost two months, and her life is drastically different from what she imagined it would be. She was a successful RN for almost 20 years, had no shortage of career opportunities, and has a heart of gold and a way with cancer patients most nurses would kill to have. But she allowed her eating habits to get the best of her, and now, at 350 lbs, can't stand on her own for long periods of time, is officially disabled and living on a fixed income, has trouble walking/sitting/moving around, and in two weeks, will no longer be living on her own.

I don't want that kind of life.

My husband doesn't deserve that kind of wife. It's not what he married or signed up for (though I know he loves me and somehow, still desires me).

I want more. I want to be able to, just once in my lifetime, put on something that I think is cute on the rack, or in the catalog, and know it's going to fit and look great. I want to be able to wear a bikini at the lake without a t-shirt or shorts to cover it. I want to climb the six flights of stairs I climb each day and not be out of breath. I want to go running and feel what is known as the "runner's high" - just once.

I want to know that the hours I put into that knit garment are going to be worth it and its going to be just as sexy on me as it is on the model advertising it.

So I'm hoping and praying that I'll be able to figure out some sort of exercise program I can stick with (the current plan is to walk 30 minutes in the morning and again at night, building up to it slowly; and to also do some form of strength training 3x/week, building up to 6x/week), and also an eating plan that's easy and tastes good. I'm hoping that next Christmas, when DH and I celebrate being debt-free, I can celebrate a new lease on life - and being able to wear that bikini I mentioned on our celebration cruise won't hurt. :-)

1 comment:

dknitter3 said...

I hope that you have success with you efforts at taking better care of your body. I had been overweigh my entire life and a few years ago I was able to lose the 60 pounds that needed to go. I maintained that for two years and then unfortunately became quite ill and have been on steroids for the past year. Forty pounds have rejoined me by I know that with the Lord's help they will be gone again.